CUP, KYUN, KAHAAN

Like I wonder why I think of football just once in four years?

Like we’ve always known Wayne Rooney looks like a pug. Now we know he plays like one too.

Like footballers are better gymnasts than the Government during Question Hour. What should have been a simple slip and slide becomes a headstand and a triple somersault.

Like it’s all very well to strategise in Thierry; it’s Suarez hell that things will get Messi in practice. Like 22 men on a 7140 square metre pitch can always find a handy leg to trip over, and call for a free-kick. Foul play or playing foul? Klose call.

Like the referee who disallowed a goal in the England-Germany match must seek Z-plus security should he find himself in yon Old Country. His senses might have left him alone, but the British won’t.

Like most teams would have found the naming of the official ball ‘Jabulani’, ironic. It means, ‘bringing joy to everyone’.

Like Baichung Bhutia spends more time giving gyaan about the World Cup than playing in it.

Like if India had been the hosts, the Uruguay-Netherlands match would not have been played. The stadium would have been rented out for Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s reception.

Like coaches after a goal are more expressive than Tom Cruise on Oprah and SRK in Devdas. It all depends on which way the ball goes. Like Maradona does this better than anyone else. Pele can insinuate all he wants; no one else has managed to entertain football fans for three decades.

Like it’s a pity that women aren’t allowed to play. What Pamela did on a beach in Baywatch, she could have done on a field in Nelson Mandela Bay. They wouldn’t even have needed a ball.

Like we know they play football but who can correctly pronounce Cote d’Ivoire?

Like the term American football has acquired a new meaning after that team’s doughty performance.

Like the Italian buttheads were head-butted out of the tournament early on, but why were the French Kissed goodbye?

Like either the Netherlands or Spain may win the Cup, but both will certainly lose their hearing.

Like both teams must pray at St. Paul’s Cathedral in Germany before kick-off.

Like it’s exciting that we will have a first-time winner tomorrow. Like the kids who hold hands with players pre-game will understandably clutch the sweatiest palms in South Africa.

Like I will miss seeing the larger-than-life figures of Ronaldo, Figo and Zidane, but am content watching Robben, Schweinsteiger and Casillas. Like I wonder who will shine in Brazil 2014?

Like four years is way too long a wait.

* * *

Note: My dad writes a blog called Cup, Kyon, Kahan for The Times Of India. In this piece, I’ve tried to copy his signature style. Like father, like son? You decide.

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9 thoughts on “CUP, KYUN, KAHAAN

  1. Pingback: World Wide News Flash

  2. i didnt know you are clued on to sports. Very nice……. am mighty proud of you lil brother…… wud have loved the article more had you pay respects to my fav ballack as well

  3. Hello there,

    This is a message for the webmaster/admin here at mrigankwarrier.wordpress.com.

    May I use part of the information from this blog post above if I provide a backlink back to your site?

    Thanks,
    Peter

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