WHEN I’M GONE

So I just died. What next?

I generally don’t have such morbid thoughts, but a condolence meeting I recently attended reminded me of my own mortality. Here’s what I’d like you to do when I’m dead:

Avoid religious ceremonies. No priests and prostrations. Donate my corneas to the blind, and what’s left of my body to medical research. No one need go bald (unless it’s summer). I’m terrified of matches in life, how d’you think I’m going to feel about a full-fledged pyre? Instead, I’d like you all to…

Meet. On a Sunday that’s convenient for everyone. Come only if you want to. And no white clothes please. Come in shorts. And when everyone’s seated, what you need to do next is to…

Eat. I know I’m adorable, but I also know you can’t mourn for me on an empty stomach. I’ve never skipped a meal willingly – miss me, not a meal. And there’s no reason to avoid non-vegetarian food; despatch a couple of chickens to give me company. When you’re done, it’s time to…

Drink. In moderation. Bring Your Own Booze. Raise a toast or three. To me. That’ll loosen tongues, and get someone to…

Sing. I often do – in exams, trains, alone and with friends. Bring a karaoke system. Warble all my favourite numbers. No sad tunes please – let the choice of music be as irreverent as the title of this post, my favourite Eminem track. And when your spirits are high enough, you can all stand up and…

Dance. Freely. Badly. Like me. It’s sure to get everyone to have a good…

Laugh. As Barbra Streisand sings – ‘It’s the laughter we will remember, whenever we remember the way we were’. So laugh. Loudly. At my expense. Till you snort. That’ll get you all to…

Make some noise. I’m not the silent type. Though I’ve no problem with companionable silence, as long my companion is boring. So cheer. Hoot. Crack a joke. Everyone will get more comfortable and begin to…

Reconnect. Isn’t it sad that it sometimes takes death to bring people together in life? Swap memories. Catch up. Get talking. And stay in touch, so you can…

Help each other move on. It’s best if you let my absence affect you the least. I didn’t bother you in life, why should I do so in death? Cast aside your gloom and use your energy to…

Carry my work forward. A la Nitu Mandke. But only if it interests you. None of us knew Ghanshyamdas Saraf, but we’ve all sat on the benches that bear his name. That way I’ll know that my name will…

Live longer. What’s the point of doing all this if you’re just going to conk off and join me so soon? Re-evaluate your life. Be healthier. Prioritise. Make time. And when you have a little extra…

Remember me sometimes. That’d be nice.

* * *

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14 thoughts on “WHEN I’M GONE

  1. don go bald (unless its summer) ❤
    really good…
    i can imagine it also… drunk old fat bald men n women in shorts.. jumping up and down… sure shot plan to get us to die after you…

  2. i am sure to die before u so i shall have to eat, drink, dance and make merry in ur honor in advance. u deserve it after such an awesome blog.

  3. Lovely post. I so get this emotion. I wrote a poem once on this same theme…I just hope people read this and actually remember to follow it at your funeral! It would be so sad if they did not.

  4. Go bald, grow a beard, get a tattoo remembering me.. Pair all this with a nice pair of Bay-Ban wayfarers & look cool!
    And yeah, play great music when I’m gone. Rolling Stones, ACDC, REM would be cool; Taylor Swift’s ballads would be overkill.. surely!!

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